Let's try this again...First/Last of 2011

I left this blog back in Dubai, came home and got back to reality. So with that being explained, I am back in Dallas, ready to mentally purge for a spell...would you like to hear a mental regurgitation?

Shoulders made to carry the world...
I bear the world upon my shoulders. My legs quiver and shake at times due to the addition of burdens pertained by others, but supported by me. To my knees I cannot fall, my hands will never rest on anything other than the world my shoulders carry upon it. Previously, in the past, I would periodically "drop the ball", but never again...lesson learned and learned the hard way.

I lost my mother and almost lost my family, I had the best career year, but the worst personal experience of my life. I retained so much knowledge and patience, while I was away, but didn't have the ability to pass that on...to bring about peace for everyone else around me. FAIL and not for lack of effort, but more so for lack of understanding and communication. Pain is proof of existence, but only for you and no one around you. Humility...vulnerability is a two way street to successful communication of the heart, mind, body and soul, but sadly pride, arrogance, self justification and entitlement always seem to win the battle, but not yet the war.

My heart hurts for my Brother, because his mother is not here...My heart hurt for my father, because his was is no longer here, but he has found a happy place and I am okay with that. My heart hurts, but to place this world on the shoulders of others who cannot bare it's weight...it's my World to carry and I will not complain.


More to come...

Dubai the Bad: Taxi Hustle, 140 Degrees and the black market.

Dubai: The Bad
During my short time in Dubai I also found the "BAD". New let say that I am sure these things are evident in a lot of places, but this is my experience.

- Taxi Drivers: STRAIGHT HUSTLING!
It was the end of my first week, I figured out how to get from my hotel to the nearest Metro station, how much it cost and the shortest distance, as well as how to get to the nearest mall (Deires City Center...the basic mall that is like the best in the US). A few times, I had to check a few drivers, but they understood that I knew what they were doing and the RIGHT way to get there. They would laugh nervously, as I laugh and say "I see you trying to hustle me...bet you thought 'dumb American, I will take him the long way' huh...naw homeboy! Matter of fact this 5 Drham I was going to tip you (though tipping is frowned on in Dubai), you can forget about it." The rest of the ride is pretty silent after that, but I had one taxi driver during my last week, that it took everything in me not to backhand him in the mouth. Not only did he try to take me the scenic route, but this fool tried to correct me about where I wanted to go!!! I wanted to go to the Metro Station at Emirates Airlines Headquarters, he acted like he understood, but as we passed it, I called him out on it. This scam artist tried to tell me the other one was closer, in which I exclaimed "FOOL, YOU JUST PASSED IT!!!" Then I realized he was taking into traffic and that I would be paying out the @ss for this short drive. So I tell him to pull over and let me out...he gets in the center lane. I stay calm, try to be patient, but let's just say as soon as we finally came to a stop...I ran like a slave in the South when Massa turned his back. Moral of the Story: don't be a punk, when you think you are being hustled...SPEAK UP!!!

- 140 degrees: where they do that at?
While I was in Dubai, it was beautiful, 75 degrees, not a cloud in the sky and breezy, the weather was perfect, but let's be clear, Dubai was nothing but an empty desert 50 years ago. Passing through first time in September, it was 100 degrees and the humidity was at "Deodorant? Yeah right!" and this was at midnight. So as I am planning to live there for a year, I asked around about the summer and the first person I spoke said "It gets up to 120-140 degrees, you can't be outside longer than 30 minutes." Wait, WHAT!?!?!? Then I noticed a lot of little things: one floor of an apartment building was a children's playground, children's mini-amusement parks, Malls every where and the above ground metro station platforms were all indoors and air-conditioned. I hate I didn't go back, but I burn easily, so I guess it worked out for the best.

- The black market of EVERYTHING!
My favorite part about being in Afghanistan and Dubai, is that they don't give a good hot damn about trademarks and copyrights! From fake Rolex's, that most people can't differentiate from real ones, to Gucci/LV/Coach luggage, that your local New York bag man would kill for, but for half the price of US knockoffs, better quality and TAX FREE!!! Bottom line, don't ask me, because it probably is fake, I won't lie, because I don't care.

With all that being said, happy to be moving on to the GOOD!!!


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Dubai the Ugly: Prostitution that makes Las Vegas look tame.

After returning from Afghanistan and enjoying 12 days with my family, I hoped back on a plane for another 17 hour flight to Dubai, my new home for 2010/2011. I had spent a few days in Dubai previously, but now I was working and living there. I had heard the stories about this place, but had no idea what I was getting myself into. So here are my thoughts of the Great, Good, bad and ugly of Dubai.

Ugly of Dubai-Getting this out the way
Prostitution:
I get to my hotel, it's 11 pm and I have been flying for over 17 hours. I already miss my family and just want a drink. I drop my bags in my office/room and call the front desk to find out where I can get a drink, the clerk says there is a bar/club in the lobby that most of the Americans frequent and it stays open til 4 am...perfect! I walk down, turn the corner and hear "Teach me how to Dougie", excited and hopeful to see some other Americans, I walk to the door...cover is 50 Dharam, roughly $15 and you get two drink tickets SCORE!!! I walk in, hat pulled low, tshirt, jeans, Vibram Five Fingers on my feet and the stench of flying. I walk to the bar, order a Corona and vodka cranberry, not really paying attention to my surroundings. Pull out a B&M...wine flavored of course, put it to my lips and out of no where two lit lighters appear, attached to two beautiful women, one Asian of sorts and the other probably Nigerian. I take a drag, thank them, show them my wedding band so they will keep it moving...they didn't move. I tried to be nice and tell them I wasn't interested, but then the Asian utters in her broken Full Metal Jacket "You like a lady fo tonight?" WTH!?!?! My eyes opened as I glanced through the bar...I just realized I was in whore central. Stunned, I grabbed my beer and took a sip as I hear a deep country redneck say "Move over whores, can't you see doesn't want your nasty ass?" With an attitude, they moved in to the next potential victim. Redneck Jonathan sat beside me and filled me on Dubai's prostitution problem, the politics behind it and where not to go...I thanked him with two beers, besides fending off the vultures for me and telling me where NOT to go, he told me plenty of great places TO go. He left the next day and I never saw him again, but still remember his words "You aren't like these other contractors, you look educated, well rounded and street smart, don't get hustled. This is the UGLIEST...Most beautiful city in the world, but you make the choice the choice on which you enjoy." I made the choice to avoid places like that, unless we had a body guard i.e. Female contractors and large groups. The two other times we went, it was as if we were invisible, which made for great people watching, eve's dropping and hilarious "You got Served" moments between the locals on the dance floor.

Yes, though Dubai is considered a strict Islamic country, prostitution is running ramped. It isn't every where and it isn't like they are walking the streets, but walk into a hotel bar playing music that is friendly to the American ear, beware...these chicks are Slumdog Millionaire hustling. You can hear them negotiating prices like they are at a flea market. Women from Nigeria, Russia, Asia and the Phillapeans, seemingly either forced into the oldest profession by someone or poverty. Personally, I was disgusted by the entire situation, GhoniSiphaHerpAIDS is real, it would be like playing Russian Roulette with a Glock with a full clip and in the chamber, but many men, from the Sheik with 4 wives fighting over one girl in the street outside of my room, to the bus boy enjoying his payday feel they are invincible.

So word to the wise to anyone, man or woman, going to Dubai:
- Wear a shirt that says "I don't pay to play!!!"
- GhoniSiphaHerpAIDS is real...DON'T DO IT!!!
- Rich or Poor, they will come after you, so just say NO.
- Guys: if she is pretty, she is probably a "Working Girl", keep it moving.
- Stay away from 4 Star and below Hotels, but realize they are EVERY WHERE

Next on DECK:
Dubai: The Bad
- Taxi Drivers: STRAIGHT HUSTLING!
- 140 degrees: where they do that at?
- The black market of EVERYTHING!






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Location:Denton, TX

Well, here we go again!!!

I started this blog to document my travels abroad, but I was way too busy to document any creative thoughts. Now I am home, so much has happened since then and it is time to purge. With that here is a list of titles coming up!

- Dubai: What in the SAM HELL, but I loved the U.A.E
- Adelheid Jiles: Missed, but never forgotten
- My little girl to be, but God didn't feel it was time
- My career: The Master Plan and those I do it for
- I am a smoker and love it, but really need to stop.
- Race for the Cure: 4 city tour and the beginning of 2 books in dedication to my mother.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Poetry, ideas, dedications, dreams and creativity...a journey back into my mind. For now enjoy this short mental poetic purging to Momma.

You were, are and always will be my momma,
My heart, soul, dreams, aspiration and dedication to make you proud drives me,
It provides me,
That little extra motivation I need, to succeed,
Because I know what you expect of me.

I knew the day I left,
You wouldn't be here when I returned,
As you said to me, take care of your brothers and dad,
My heart sank, my soul wretched,
I have never been that sad, because I knew no matter how much I hoped to see you again...it wasn't going to be.

I miss you, love you and will carry you with me for life.


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Location:The ManCave

Reality as I see it.

A country boy, mixed with the hood and the burbs, now sitting in Dubai, UAE wearing a 3 piece suit, sipping espresso, working from an iPad, but still listening to Kanye and Weezy, while smoking a wine flavored black and mild...life is so different, but I am still me...Kevin MF Jiles. Professionally, people meet me and are impressed with my knowledge of the world and are quite surprised that I am only 30, because of my mature mindset, but as I said...this is professionally, not personally. I am still Kevin, a fool, who enjoys good laughs and good friends, but family focused. Now I have just gone global, physically, while mentally I am still home focused, family oriented. I miss the creature comforts of the US and my family, but I know God sent me here for reason, but I am still trying to figure that out. None the less, my journey is always a progression forward, regardless of others opinions to the contrary.


The things I am doing is so that Mason will be taken care of and have a sense of pride when someone mentions me. I am trying to create a legacy, to which, when I pass, people will owe my family, not vice versa. This is my motivation, which makes my sacrifices so well worth it.




This is my inspiration for success, to know that this woman is taken care of and has the opportunity to experience the things she could never have imagined, drives me to push hard for success. My wife, the love of my life, my heart, my strength, when I have nothing left and I thank God everyday for her and for showing me how I truly NEED her by my side to accomplish ANYTHING in this world. I thank you.





My brother, if you know us and the relationship we have, I don't even have to explain to you what he means to me. He is/was like my son, before Mason was even a thought. I have always wanted him to be better than me and eventually push Mason to be better thane was, because they deserve better, the Jiles name is just as much about progression, as I am as an individual aspect.




My parents...I do everything I do, because of all they have ever done. Through the pain now, I know my mother understands my abscense and my father will...one day.

So this is Reality as I see it.

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Location:Dubai,United Arab Emirates

Lesson's Learned: Lesson 1 - The Present, versus the past and future.

Lesson: the Present, versus the past and future.

The Past: I was never one to be completely concerned with the past, mine or others. I had the tendencies to forget most of the "bad" occurrences in my life, once I mentally sorted them out and accepted them for what they were...learning experiences. Now as a learning experience, realize that I didn't think of it as a reference point that would constantly referee to like foot note warning signs. Instead, I would review, reevaluate and remove, meaning that I wouldn't really think of it unless it was something occurred again. The older I got, the more I started to try to hold on to some things as someone else's reality, rather than a lapse in judgement. This is a process that builds resentment and will more than likely diminish your ability to truly forgive, but now I can say that I am truly at a place where I realize that the past is no longer relevant within the present and that if progressions a daily goal, then relying on the past will be regressive and emotionally cripple any ability to forgive and progress.

The Future: I was always concerned with my future. I had the tendency to set lofty goals, then completely submerse myself with the idea of those goals and then create an entire life around it...mentally. Then being ADHD (diagnosed), I would create multiple scenarios and literally convince myself that I would attain each one, but separately and sporadically. I realized at that point that I was a dreamer who couldn't focus to save my life.

Daily I would concern myself with a plethora of thoughts, ideas and plans, then worry about how I would ever attain these things I wanted SO bad. It was so bad that I would rarely sleep, because as my mind raced a million miles a minute, I started to doubt the attainability of those goals, because I was convinced that I if I didn't reach those goals, I would never have the things I wanted later in life.

In my last semester of college I had the most relevant epiphany in my life...what will be will be. I began thinking primarily of the present and planning for the future. This removed a small boulder from my shoulders and allowed me to see my life in a different life, because I knew I would accomplish great things in life as long as I continued to just gave it my best and different fear the "what if's" of failure.also, I found setting a goal with time constraints where counter productive, but instead I gave myself of a time frame that could realistically be attained. Now on many occasions, many ideas crashed and burned: photography, a Williams Chicken franchise, a book, acting...you name it...I tried it or at least started the planning process and research. Many ideas were never completed and some were just flat out rejected, but I can say that I was always willing to go after each and every idea, because I was never concerned about the future and the possibility of failure.

I said ALL this to say that life is unpredictable and fleeting, as well as if we continually allow our past hurts and future worries cripple our present moments, we will never progressive and be hindered, not having the ability to appreciate moments we are currently living in. Live with in the NOW (Eckhart Tolle), because the past doesn't exist and the tomorrow is not guaranteed, as it is explained in the Book of Matthew...God's Word, truth!

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Location:Corinth, TX

PROVIDER...a spirit purge.

**Explanation: I don't consider the work below to be poetry, though it is some what rhythmic and poetic. No, this is a spirit purge, purely a regurgitation of thoughts and emotions, without a calculated thought process, preset theme, cognitive censorship or grammatical edit. This is just the purest form of purging the emotions in my heart, coupled my thoughts.**

PROVIDER
By Kevin M. Jiles

He has always been a provider of financial comfort and strength,
A man...the strong silent type that was never required to provide emotional comforts,
A man that provided security, but was never shown how to love,
A man whose idea of saying "I am proud of you" was either a slight, uncomfortable "good job" or a reminder that you could have always done better.

He was never quick to frustrate or get angry,
His patience was either a rouse or truly the inability to comprehend the emotions he felt, but most situations were short lived, so it always seemed as if patience was his virtue.

This was a man that I had to break down in tears to at the age of 23 years old, demanding to know why he has never told me he loved me,
This is the man that was never satisfied with any accomplishment I achieved and would refer to any successful moment as "what I was supposed to do."
This was a man that I have never seen shed a single tear, show fear or portray weakness, until recently.
He looked at me, with a tear in his eye and said...I don't know if she, will be here when you return,
His greatest fear or losing the love his life, mother to his 3 boys...his wife, was evident.

The pain, coupled with regret and fear, set in an isolated location, where only he knew what to do tangibly, but emotionally he is impotent,
The financial provider and oasis of security, was now the care taker,
Locked in a box of frustration and sadness, with daily reminder of what he feared most of all...the loss of his love.

His ability to emotionally, provide sustainability...mentally for her, is depleted, torn and broken,
Because the little head had was used up quickly.

His frustration and pain is clearly evident now, as he cries to me, as he hugs me, upon my return.
With the weight of the world...he is now on his knees, begging me please...to stay, because he needs me, but truthfully...I don't have the ability, which makes him feel more alone, stuck in a silent situation, other than a faint tapping from the living room, because she needs him.

His irritation and frustration, has created a resentful situation, because I have to leave as he believes...I should help and stay, but as a husband and father myself, I have to go, provide and pray.

He is my father,
She is my mother,
My family completed with my wife, son and brothers,
All need me to have the ability,
To provide;
Emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially,
Because now I am he, he is me...some how with in this family,
I have taken the lead.

So now I go to HIM...humbly.
To help me carry this family.
MY family.
So I can adequately,
Provide sustainability,
Because they all look for me to lead.

Prayer: Lord, I know that Satan had to ask YOU, before he attacked my family, because of Your teachings in the Book of Job and I pray that you continue to give me the strength, patience, endurance, and the words; to continue to be the rock for this family, through you.

Amen

Location:My heart and soul