PROVIDER...a spirit purge.

**Explanation: I don't consider the work below to be poetry, though it is some what rhythmic and poetic. No, this is a spirit purge, purely a regurgitation of thoughts and emotions, without a calculated thought process, preset theme, cognitive censorship or grammatical edit. This is just the purest form of purging the emotions in my heart, coupled my thoughts.**

PROVIDER
By Kevin M. Jiles

He has always been a provider of financial comfort and strength,
A man...the strong silent type that was never required to provide emotional comforts,
A man that provided security, but was never shown how to love,
A man whose idea of saying "I am proud of you" was either a slight, uncomfortable "good job" or a reminder that you could have always done better.

He was never quick to frustrate or get angry,
His patience was either a rouse or truly the inability to comprehend the emotions he felt, but most situations were short lived, so it always seemed as if patience was his virtue.

This was a man that I had to break down in tears to at the age of 23 years old, demanding to know why he has never told me he loved me,
This is the man that was never satisfied with any accomplishment I achieved and would refer to any successful moment as "what I was supposed to do."
This was a man that I have never seen shed a single tear, show fear or portray weakness, until recently.
He looked at me, with a tear in his eye and said...I don't know if she, will be here when you return,
His greatest fear or losing the love his life, mother to his 3 boys...his wife, was evident.

The pain, coupled with regret and fear, set in an isolated location, where only he knew what to do tangibly, but emotionally he is impotent,
The financial provider and oasis of security, was now the care taker,
Locked in a box of frustration and sadness, with daily reminder of what he feared most of all...the loss of his love.

His ability to emotionally, provide sustainability...mentally for her, is depleted, torn and broken,
Because the little head had was used up quickly.

His frustration and pain is clearly evident now, as he cries to me, as he hugs me, upon my return.
With the weight of the world...he is now on his knees, begging me please...to stay, because he needs me, but truthfully...I don't have the ability, which makes him feel more alone, stuck in a silent situation, other than a faint tapping from the living room, because she needs him.

His irritation and frustration, has created a resentful situation, because I have to leave as he believes...I should help and stay, but as a husband and father myself, I have to go, provide and pray.

He is my father,
She is my mother,
My family completed with my wife, son and brothers,
All need me to have the ability,
To provide;
Emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially,
Because now I am he, he is me...some how with in this family,
I have taken the lead.

So now I go to HIM...humbly.
To help me carry this family.
MY family.
So I can adequately,
Provide sustainability,
Because they all look for me to lead.

Prayer: Lord, I know that Satan had to ask YOU, before he attacked my family, because of Your teachings in the Book of Job and I pray that you continue to give me the strength, patience, endurance, and the words; to continue to be the rock for this family, through you.

Amen

Location:My heart and soul